Small Steps
by Stream'sxCupxOfxTea
Summary: Azula has been locked away for her own good. That is what everyone says. No one considers what Azula feels as she sits in a cage, chained and locked like a mad dog.
1. Chapter One: Locked In

Chapter One: Locked In

_Crazy. Insane. Demented. Twisted._

That is what they call Azula. She hears them, hears the hurried whispers, sees the fear in their eyes as they enter her room, shoving trays of food at her before running from the room. They are terrified of Azula, as they should be. But they are not afraid of her for the right reasons. They aren't scared of her power, not anymore. Now, they are afraid of her mind, the darkness that lives in her.

Azula screams and screams until her throat is raw and she is spitting up blood. She rattles her chains, and the insanity in her eyes would make even the stronger warrior halt in fear. Sometimes though, Azula is quiet. Sometimes she just sits and cries. And that scares her captors more than any screaming or empty threats ever can.

They don't see that Azula sees. The monsters that cling to the calls of her prison, the demons that live in the shadows, waiting to pounce. They don't see Lady Ursa, standing over her quaking daughter, holding a blood-stained knife. They don't see two charred bodies laying on the cold stones, just barely recognizable as Mai and Ty Lee. Only Azula can see the blood that drips down iron bars of her cell.

She is chained and drugged like an animal. No one wants to talk to Azula. No one will meet her eyes. No one will show her an ounce of kindness, a scrap of caring. Why should they? She is the insane princess. No more safe that a mad dog. Why should they treat her right? If she was Fire Lord, Azula would most certainly not treat them as people. She would treat them as animals, below her. Why should they treat Azula properly. She wouldn't.

None of them understand what it was like for the tortured princess. None of them understand that she too was once human. None of them can know what it was like to be hated by her mother, feared by her brother, and seen as only a weapon by her father. They say Azula was born cruel. Maybe she was and maybe she wasn't. She was born different, that much is true.

But who can say? Maybe if Azula had been accepted by her brother, and had been loved by her mother, maybe then things wouldn't be like this. Cruelty does not just happen. Cruelty is fed by anger, regret, loneliness, depression. All of these things Azula has. That is why she is insane. That is why she is cruel.

Things could have been different, but they weren't. So here the exiled Princess sits, locked and chained. Without hope, without love. She is locked in.

It takes Azula a month to realize that she isn't locked in the prison.

She is locked in her mind. And from that there is no escape.


	2. Chapter Two: Alone

Chapter Two: Alone

"Hello."

The guard stops, tenses, and turns, fear blazing in her eyes as she turns to the chained, crazy princess. Azula...didn't really just speak, did she? The guard must have imagined things. Maybe she is going crazy as well. She bents down to pick up the food tray, keeping a wary eye on Azula.

The princess looks awful. Once beautiful hair langs in lank, dirty strings around her face. Fingernails are long, ragged, full of dirt. Skin that all the woman of the Fire Nation used to envy is now grimy and greasy. She needs a bath. The guard is afraid to meet Azula's eyes. Normally, those cold gold eyes are full of an insane fire. But today, her eyes are glassy and dull. Azula looks pathetic. Almost...pitiable.

The princess makes a noise in the back of her throat, like a growl, and the guard instantly assumes a fire-bending stance. But what happens next surprises Mi-hi (for that is the guard's name) more than any shrieking, curses or threats ever could. "I said hello. Normally, it is polite to respond back when someone greets." Azula's voice is hoarse and throaty; it sounds like she has not spoken for a long, long time. Mi-hi realizes that that growling noise was Azula clearing her throat.

Mi-hi gapes at Azula. Azula cocks her head slightly, and moves forward, her chains clinking together. Mi-hi automatically steps backwards in fear. Azula frowns. "Please, say something. I'm not going to hurt you." Mi-hi remians silent, trembling slightly. "Can you tell the cook that his tea is good? Can you tell him that for me? Nothing compared to my uncle's, of course...but still good." Mi-hi releases a ragged breath. The princess truly is crazy. A thick, heavy silence falls in Azula's caged prison. Neither Mi-hi nor Azula wants to break it.

"Say something!" Azula shrieks, lungings forward, her eyes flashing with that twisted light, only to be pulled backwards by her chains. "Say something! I don't want to sit in the silence anymore!" In a flash, Azula is pressed against the iron bars of her cage, hands curled around the cold bars, mere inches away from Mi-hi's face. "Say something." Azula draws her words out in hiss.

Mi-hi screams and releases a whip of fire at the princess. Azula cries out, and stumbles forward, cradling her burnt hands against her chest. "You want me to say something?" Mi-hi screams. Azula begins to make a low, keening noise, like a wail. "YOU'RE CRAZY!" Leaving the tray, Mi-hi runs from the room. Outside of Azula's cage, she is comforted by her fellow guards, and spins a story of how the princess attacked her, how the princess 'summoned' demons to attack her. Mi-hi insists that she just barely escaped with her life, and watches as the eye of her fellow guards harden.

_How dare the princess attack a guard? She's crazier than we thought! _They hold hurried conversations when then can. No one wants to go near Azula. And Mi-hi has to watch as she causes Azula to loose what little kindness and understanding she might have gained.

"Don't go!" Azula shrieks as Mi-hi bolts from the room. "Please! I don't want to be alone! PLEASE!" Tears run down Azula's cheeks. "Someone! ANYONE! Please! I'm scared." She curls into a ball, whimpering and letting the tears stream down her cheeks. Several months ago, Azula would have hated herself for crying. Tears are a sign of weakness. Now though, she doesn't care. She can pretend the tears are a mother's touch.

"Please..." She whispers into the darkness. "I'm scared." Azula raises her head, gold eyes shining with tears as the shadows twist into now familiar monsters and demons. "I don't want to be alone."


	3. Chapter Three: Crazy

Chapter Three: Crazy

They call her crazy, because she sees things that nothing else can see. They dare to call her, Azula, Princess of the Fire Nation, crazy. Sometimes they say it to her face. Other times, she can hear them whispering it under their breath.

They don't know. That is the problem. They don't know what Azula sees. She is trapped in a cage full of demons, monsters and sins. Azula is locked in a cage, with all of her crimes and wrong deeds locked in there with her. There is no escaping them, and Azula has to face what she has done over and over again.

Maybe she is crazy. Azula isn't stupid. She knows her moods change quickly and suddenly. When she screams and cries, trying to spit fire, trying to make them get an idea of the pain she feels, there is a small part of Azula that watches what happens with a cold and calculating eye.

She never feels like herself. And she goes from screaming with hate and rage to sobbing with fear and loneliness. Maybe she is crazy. Colors blur together, shadows form figures. Azula sees all the things she's ever done wrong. She watches as she could have made the choice to make things better, but didn't.

Azula once read a story that said in Hell, you are punished by living through your mistakes again and again until you go crazy. And that is what is happening to Azula. She has to watch her mother walk away without telling her one and only daughter that she loved her. Azula has to watch as she takes pleasure, **takes pleasure**, in the fact that Zuko is forever maimed. And she has to watch as her only friends betray her.

But Azula is already crazy, isn't she? That is what they tell her. So she can't go to Hell and be punished, because she is already being punished. And she is already in Hell. She can't go there because she is already there.

No one will talk to her, only the shadows. At first, Azula hated the demons she saw. She thought that someone would come and free her from this prison. So she did her best to ignore the shadows. Instead, she plotted her revenge against those who had hurt her. Mai, Ty Lee, Zuko, her mother (whom Azula was sure was still alive), the Avatar... The list went on and on.

But as time passed, no one came for her. And no one would talk to her, except for the shadows.

Azula still ignored them. She could hold her silence. She was a princess, and no one could break her will.

Then her mother starting appearing, and Azula's will wavered. Shadow-Mother said all the things that True-Mother had never said, but Azula longed to hear. Shadow-Mother loved Azula. Shadow-Mother was there to wipe away the tears.

Azula started listening to Shadow-Mother, because she was the only one who would talk.

Then Shadow-Mother started bringing Ty Lee, and Zuko. They all forgave her. They all loved her. In her mind, Azula was forgiven. And all hate and anger was washed away. Nothing else mattered, except for these shadows and their lies.

Azula was crazy. Or maybe she wasn't. But since being sane hurt too much, Azula liked the demons better. They brought her peace and comfort.

If this was crazy, then Azula was crazy. And she liked it.


	4. Chapter Four: Disappointment

Chapter Four: Disappointment

Zuko doesn't speak, but the disappointment in his eyes says it all. As Fire Lord Zuko backs away from his sister, she can see it all. He is disappointed in her. He is scared of her. Zuko thought Azula was better than this. He had hoped she would be sane, able to tackle the real world once again. But she isn't. So he is disappointed.

Azula shrieks at him, trying to claw his face, spitting, hissing, screaming. She wants to kill Zuko, she wants him to forgive her, she wants him to hug her and say everything is going to be okay. She doesn't know what she wants. Azula wails, tears running down her face.

Zuko knows something is wrong. Azula never cries. This is not the Azula he once knew.

Distantly, over her own sobs, Azula hears Zuko yelling. He is angry. For her, she hopes. But Azula has the feeling Zuko is mad because of her. "...Thought you said...best care the Fire Nation...caged, like a monster...I am the Fire Lord!"

She hears the docters trying to soothe him, trying to make him forget his anger. Zuko glances at Azula. His eyes are full of disappointment. And fear.

Azula closed her tear-filled eyes. And remembers.

_Zuko, glancing up at Azula as she burns one of his favourite toys. He starts crying, and Azula laughs. Their father is right; Zuko is weak. Too bad he was born first, she would have made a much better leader. She sneers down at her older brother as he looks up at her. Eyes filled with fear and disappointment that she would treat him this way._

_Her mother purses her lips, and Azula rolls her eyes. Lady Ursa has dragged Azula away for another scolding. Azula doesn't even know what she did wrong this time. Probably something stupid, like burning a servant. Hardly worth getting upset over. She laughs at her mother, but Lady Ursa grips Azula arms firmly, and shakes it. Azula looks up at her mother. The Fire Lady's eyes are filled with sadness and disappointment._

_Azula messes up and stumbles over her own legs. The fire around her splutters out and fades away. She lands in an undignified heap, and a breath of fear catches in her throat. Azula has messed up. On a simple move. In front of her father. She can hardly look at him. The silence is so dangerous, and Azula's heart is beating fast enough to make her chest hurt. She dares a glance at her father. His eyes are cold and full of a silent disappointment._

_Mai's eyes, full of anger and disappointment that Azula would put her little brother, Tom-Tom's, life on the line like that._

_Ty Lee, as she gazes back at the circus. Her eyes are full of longing and disappointment. She wants to stay there, not go fight for Azula._

No matter what she does, Azula is always, always disappointing someone. And it's killing her.

For once, she wants someone to be pleased with what she has done.

Not disappointed. Like they always are.


	5. Chapter Five: Sides

Chapter Five: Sides

When the shadows are silent, and Azula can think clearly, she is confused. There are many things in this world Azula does not understand. And the people of the Fire Nation are one of them.

When her father, Fire Lord Ozai, declared the war almost over, and named himself the Phoenix King, they were happy. They agreed with him.

When the Avatar was the enemy, and whatever the Fire Lord said was the only truth, they believed that. The people were happy to go along with their leaders, and believe.

When the One Hundred Year War was draining their resources and killing off the men, the people were still happy. They did not complain.

Azula does not understand. The people of the Fire Nation, her people, were happy when her father was Lord. They were happy with what he did.

But they are also happy for Fire Lord Zuko. And they also go along with whatever he says. When he declares the war over, and orders the killing to stop, the people are happy. When Zuko says the Fire Nation was wrong, they can go along with that. When Zuko tells them that everything they have been told over the past one hundred years was wrong, all they do is nod, and adjust what they believe.

This makes no sense to her. How can the same people appluad Ozai's efforts, and then, just months later, go along with what Zuko says? How can they not care?

Azula puzzles over this for a long, long time.

And then, as she tilts her pale face towards a weak ray of sunshine, hoping that it will warm the constant coldness in her body, Azula understands. As she longs for the fresh air, and the warm sun, and the familiar heat of fire flaming from her finger-tips, Azula understands.

They do not care. The people of the Fire Nation do not care. Whether they are fighting, or at peace makes little difference to them. They will go along with whoever is in charge, because that is the way to survive. They will smile and say they understand, because that is the only way to stay free. If they protest, they will be locked up. Like herself.

And because Azula protested, because she refused to go along with the new way of thinking, they locked her up.

This thought scares Azula. How can they just not care?

But the more she thinks about it, the more it makes sense. How else would the Fire Nation still be ruled by Zuko? How else would Zuko even be alive?

Azula then comes to a more startling discovery.

If she ever wants to be free, then she is going to have to do the same; adopt that indifference that goes along with whatever the Fire Lord says.

Otherwise she will be locked up here, on the wrong side, forever.


	6. Chapter Six: Dead

Chapter Six: Dead

Azula hears what they are saying, but does not at first understand. "Your father is dead." A guard says, and Azula blinks, trying to focus her tired and weak eyes. "The exiled Fire Lord Ozai is dead. He killed himself last night. Slit his own throat with a sharpened sliver of stone." The guard narrows his eyes, and lowers his head, until Azula and him are face to face. She whimpers and tries to move away from him.

She is chained to the wall, arms pinned awkwardly above her head. She was bad yesterday.

"Don't get any ideas." The guard growls. "Don't think you can take the easy way out and kill yourself." He smiles nastily, and Azula shudders. "We're not going to let that happen."

The ex-princess looks dumbly up at him, and the guard feels a wave of rage pass through him. "Do you understand any of what I am saying?" He snarls, slapping her on the cheek with a calloused, rough hand. "Your father is dead! He's in hell now, and when you die, you'll join him!" Azula's face is still turned away from his, and a bright-red handprint is becoming more apparent, more clear.

_Why won't she say anything? _Everyone in the room wonders. Has she really sunk so slow that she cannot understand human speech? "Your father is dead." He repeats, sounding almost unsure.

Azula slowly turns her head, her eyes flashing. She looks every bit the princess she was before this all happened. Azula holds her head high, even though her hair needs to be washed, and her face is caked in mud, and she is living like an animal. For a second, Azula looks like the cold, confident woman she once was. And all the guards take a step back.

"Good." Is the hoarse reply.

And crazed, mocking laughter suddenly fills the cell.


	7. Chapter Seven: Sliver

Chapter Seven: Sliver

She could do it. End it all right now. Azula is panting, her eyes filled with a murderous rage. One hand is raised in the air, waiting. The other clutches a sharpened stone. The scene is eerily similar to what happen a month ago, when Ozai killed himself, and no one could stop him.

Azula understands why no one is trying to stop her. They all just hover at the edges of her vision, debating. Should they take the knife away? Or should they just let her kill herself instead? Difficult choice. Hard to say.

Softly, but with growing volume, Azula begings to croone a lullaby her mother used to sing to Zuko. When she was younger, Azula used to wish with all her heart that her mother would come into her room, and sing Azula that song. Azula used to wish that her mother would sing her to sleep, and brush the hair out of her eyes.

Her mother never did. But how fitting that the song be sung as Azula kills herself. How perfect that would be.

Azula's fingers are starting to grow numb around the crude handle of her knife, and she loosens her fingers slightly. She almost drops the 'knife' and fear clutches at her heart. All the guards step forward, ready to snatch away the weapon. But Azula is better than that, and with a quick fumble, she is gripping the tool once again, grinning with triumph.

It took her a month to make this thing, this salvation. One week alone to claw the piece from the floor. One week of aching fingers and broken nails. One week of living in constant fear that someone would come in, and see what she was doing. The one week was the worst part.

But after that, everything was easy. Three weeks of sharpening, and testing the knife's edge on her own skin. The stone sliver was easy enough to hide. When she heard someone coming Azula just hid it in her clothes, or stuffed it under her blanket. No one suspected. Why should they?

They didn't think her father's death would affect her this much. Well, Azula isn't concerned about her father's death. She hated him. Because he never gave her what she wanted. He never say Azula as anything more than a weapon. For that she hates him, and hopes he rots in hell.

But his death did make her aware that she does have a choice. Azula is a princess after all. And she could take control of her fate. End it right here. Azula isn't afraid of death. Death will makes the voices stop, and will make the demons disappear.

Death would be a welcome release. She is willing to risk everything, just to be free.

"None of you will even try to stop me?" She laugh weakly, bitterly. "That's sad." Azula is going to do it. She knows she is going to do it. "Give my love to Zuzu." She whispers, raising the dagger, ready to bring it down onto her waiting wrist. Just one little slice, and all will end.

"Don't."


	8. Chapter Eight: Mai

Chapter Eight: Mai

The knife has been taken away, and Azula sits, too shocked to even protest when they add more chains and take the knife away, and force a bitter liquid down her throat that makes it so she can barely move. She just sits and stares at Mai. Mai, who came to see her. Mai, who stopped Azula from killing herself. Mai, the girl who used to be her friend.

Or were they? Azula never really knew what a friend was. She supposes that Mai was her friend, but then again, perhaps Mai was nothing more than a pawn. A pawn in Azula's wicked, tangled game of lies.

"Why?" Azula asks, one word of many, many questions. _Why are you here? Why is it you, and not Ty Lee. Why did you stop me from killing myself? Why are you coming this late? Why, why why? _Her voice sounds dead and emotionless, similair to the voice of the woman who sits across from her. Azula knows though, that when Mai speaks, they will sound different. Mai will sound bored, but still alive. Azula's voice sounds hopeless, even to her own ears.

"Why what?" Like usual, Mai sounds bored and uncaring. She pulls a knife from her sleeve, and begins to toss it up into the air, tossing and catching with the skill of a master. Azula's eyes hungrily watch the silver blade. Mai noticed this, and smirks. Azula frowns.

"Why...everything?" Azula pauses and seems to be searching for the right words. "Why did you stop me? Why are you here? Why is it you, and not Ty Lee?" The words spill from her mouth, and she can do nothing to stop them. "Why are you here? Why are you coming this late? Why does no one else care?" By the end, she is screaming the words and breathing heavily. Mai says nothing for a long time and the silence is heavy.

"Why me?" Mai finally asks, and Azula nods, watching Mai warily. Azula cannot say she trust the black-haire weapon mistress who so easily betrayed her.

"Why not Ty Lee?" Azula asks. She is merely curious, and is not asking to hurt Mai, like she would have done several months ago. She just wants to know.

There is another long, heavy pause.

"I stopped you because Zuko doesn't want you dead. I'm here to see you. I'm here because Ty Lee is with the Kyoshi warriors. She wants to forget all this, and start over. She's happy as a Kyoshi warrior, and I don't see any reason to pull away from whatever happiness she's found." Mai's eyes are cool. "I'm this late because I have been busy. You like to forget that the world doesn't revolve around you. I had other things to do." Mai stands up and walks towards Azula.

Azula looks tiredly up at the older girl. Maybe Mai is going to kill her. She doesn't care. Azula still feels that death would be a release.

"Do you want to know the real reason I came?" Mai asks, kneeling down in front of the Princess. Azula sees the faint glimmer of a blade and smiles weakly.

"Sure. Humor me Mai."

"I came because I care about you. I stopped you because I didn't want you to give up on life." Mai's voice is soft, and slowly, carefully, she reaches up a hand to stroke Azula's dirty cheek. "I came because you are my friend, and you made me who I am today. Without you, I would not be Weapon Mistress Mai, Soon-to-be Fire Lady."

Azula begins to cry then, and throws herself at Mai. Tears stream down her cheeks and Azula sobs and sobs and sobs into Mai's chest.

Uncertainly, Mai begins to run her fingers through Azula once-soft hair, as if she is afraid that the Princess will attack her at any second. But all Azula does is cry, and slowly, Mai's fear fades. This is no longer the Princess who so terrified her. This is now just a scared young woman who needs to be comforted.

"I tho-I thought you had forgotten about me!" Azula wails, clinging to Mai. She doesn't ever want to let the soon to-be Fire Lady Go.

Mai shakes her head and smiles sadly. "I wouldn't forget you Azula. I could never forget you. You were my friend."

It was only later, when she thought things over, that Azula realized Mai had said 'were'.

As in...past tense.

**AN: Surprised you there, didn't I? For some reason, I can't see Ty Lee coming to vist Azula (at least in the context of this story). Azula hurt Ty Lee too, and I think Ty Lee would have been mucher happier moving on with her life to become a Kyoshi warrior. Mai, to me, seems like she would be able to stomach seeing Azula more than Ty Lee. Plus, I feel Mai owes more to Azula (personality wise) than Ty Lee does.**


	9. Chapter Nine: Cruelty

**A/N: Sorry about the long wait for an update. Hopefully, I'll get this story done before Christmas. Or, at least, that's my goal, but I never really stick to those.**

Azula is not used to cruelty. True, she has known many things along the lines of 'hate', 'fear', and 'dislike', but outright, straight up cruelty is a new thing for the former princess. People did what she said, and if they didn't like it, or disagreed with her, too bad. Princess Azula's word was law. And her violent ways for dealing with people who displeased her were well known. No one crossed her, or said anything bad about her. Ever.

No one ever said a mean word towards her, which lead her to believe a great number of (untrue) things. Azula never pretended that everyone in the Fire Nation loved her, but she also never imagined that they all hated her. Hated her with a cruel, cold dispassionate hate.

She is used to her father's cold indifference, and him seeing her as little more than a weapon. She knows of her (late) mother's withheld affection. Azula grew quite used to Zuko's mixed fear and dislike. And she is aware of the fact that there is not a single servant out there who enjoyed serving the spoiled little princess.

Azula knows she's not loved; that's nothing new.

Yes, Azula has known many things in her life. But not love. And not cruelty. So maybe that is why the guards vicious teasing is such a slap to the face. These people are no longer scared of her. Azula can do nothing to harm them. Taking courage in that fact, the guards poke and prod her, taunting the young girl until she feels more alone and more betrayed than she ever has in her life. Azula thought she was making improvements in the way of mental wellbeing; thought she was getting better at keeping the visions and nightmares and just plain craziness at bay. But it's hard to tell with the guards picking on her every word, every movement.

In fits of anger, Azula will fling her arms at them, or launch a (still strong, well aimed) kick at the guards. She hopes for the familiar blue flames to appear. But the kicks stay mundane and normal; there is nothing special about her once-deadly strikes. When that doesn't work, Azula bares her teeth, and flexes her now clawless hands. Hands and teeth that used to harm; now they are as dangerous the stroke of a flower's metal. This only makes the guards laugh and jeer harder. Azula feels like she has become some sort of way of providing free amusement for them. Line up to see the crazy princess, free of charge.

Mai still comes to see Azula. Sometimes. She is very busy, and does not have time for the insane former Fire Lord. She tries to pretend this doesn't hurt. After all, they aren't really friends anymore, and Azula knows Mai does nor mean to be cruel. Still, it hurts. Hurts worse than a dagger of fire to the gut.

The cruelty of the people who are (supposed to be) watching her and keeping her same is sometimes too much to bare. Azula is afraid she's going crazy all over again; loosing what little sanity she managed to regain. But their blatant unkindness does give Azula much to think about.

This twisting, achy, painful feeling in Azula's stomach... The feeling she gets when a guard (she can't even remember which one. They all blur together in her mind) throws the food at her, letting it land on the filthy ground. The feeling she gets as her cage gets more and more dirty, yet no one will clean it, saying she deserves to live like the animal she is. This awful, awful feeling.

Was this what Zuko felt when she tortured him for not being good enough, or strong enough?When she upstaged and surpassed him in both school and fire-bending? When she abused him like the heartless bitch she used to be?

What Mai felt when Azula teased her for liking (that weakling) Zuko? Did the Weapon Mistress get this sick feeling in her heart when Azula put her own goal's and ambitions before her (best) friend's brother's safety?

Did Ty Lee feel this way when Azula pushed her around (both literally and figuratively), needing someone to lord over. Sweet, innocent Ty Lee, who could never say no to anyone (least of all her beloved Princess). Was she in this much pain, skillfully hiding it behind a bubbly smile?

Her mother, the countless servants and citizens? Azula's cheeks burn hot with shame as she thinks over what she has done. She is used to administrating cruel looks and unkind remarks. As a child, she would hit Ty Lee and Mai if they did something to displease her. And Azula would think nothing of the unfair, unjust treatment. They never complained, and she was the Princess after all.

She didn't know how much cruelty hurt until she was on the receiving end.

Azula thinks of the way she used to be, and wants to be sick. How could she have treated people this way? How could she have caused them so much pain.

Azula is wrong, wrong, wrong. She deserves to be locked away, facing the rudeness that she used to fling at people left and right.

If she ever gets out of here (is ever sane enough to leave this prison), Azula is going to make it up (somehow) to the people she hurt. Both emotionally and physically. Sometimes both.

That's the promise she makes to herself on the weak rays of sunlight. That's the promise Azula makes to herself as she runs her fingers raw, scratching a line for each of the days she has been locked away.

The promise she makes as she tries to piece together the crazy puzzle of her life.

No. More. Cruelty.


	10. Chapter Ten: Silence

Chapter Ten: Silence

She's been here for two years now; Azula is sixteen, though she feels much, much older. Sometimes, she can't believe two years have already passed. It seems like such a short time since she was thrown in here. The days and nights all blur together. Sometimes, it seems to Azula that only yesterday did the Fire Nation fall, and she's got a long, long way to go.

Other times, it seems to Azula like she has been trapped here forever. And two years seems like nothing.

At first, well, after she realized no one would come for her, and she was all alone, the voices of Shadow-Monster, and all the other demons that lived in her head where a source of comfort. Azula took strength in their lies. But now, she's sick of the whispered sweet nothings. She longs to hear a real voice. Azula doesn't want to hear the mocking tone of Shadow Ty Lee; she wants to hear the bubbly, sweet, honest voice of her friend.

The shadows aren't real; she know they aren't real. Still, it's hard for Azula to block out the voices of the only things that will talk to her.

But Mai is starting to come more often, and every time, she says she'll bring Zuko with her. Azula wants to believe that; wants to believe that her brother will come to see her. But deep down, she knows Zuko won't come, knows no one will come until silence is all she can hear, and that glint of evil madness has faded from her eyes.

So begins the painful process of ignoring the shadows, of sitting in a silent cage, of forcing her scrambled mind to think clearly again.

"Listen to me." Shadow Mother whispers, reaching out a hand to stroke Azula's cheek. "I am the only one who cares for you, the only one who truly loves you, the only one who will stay by your side. Listen to me, my darling." Her nails, sharp nails, leave bloody trails on Azula's cheeks. The princess ignores the nightmare, and instead hums a fragment of a song she used to know. Several months ago, Azula would have lashed out at the shadow in anger and fear. She would have acted crazy, like she still is.

But that would only feed Shadow Mother's power. Azula knows that. So instead she closes her eyes, and continues to hum, ignoring the monster that feeds off the fear and despair in her mind.

Shadow Mother warps into something else; the kind and loving face morphs into a monster that oozes blood and pus, with eyes that shine like freshly split blood, and a mind as cruel as Azula's father's. Like a dragon, but worse, constantly changing sizes and colors. It's a nightmare, a monster, a demon, a devil. And the worse part is, Shadow Monster is there because of Azula.

"Little girl, all alone, why do you push me away? I'm always with you, whether you like it or not!" The beast roars, and Azula flinches. "You are nothing without me." The terrible things pushes it's face up against Azula, cunning eyes narrowing. "If I leave, you'll be without a friend in the world. No one cares. You will die here, forgotten." She wrinkles her nose at the smell; death, disease, doom. Her doom. Her death.

The thing feeds off fear and unhappiness; try to think of something happy.

_Mai's face, lips turned up in what could be a smile, as she sits on the ground next to the ex-princess, recounting the newest gossip and scandals of the Fire Nation for the young girl's entertainment_.

_Ty Lee's bubbly nature, happy no matter what happens, always ready to do what the princess asks._ Thinking of Ty Lee hurts, but in a good way.

_The rush of joy Azula always got as she kicks, and watches, in never-ceasing amazement, as blue flames shoot from her point-toed boot, and sizzle through the air._

_The smell of fresh air; especially in her mother's favourite garden, where flowers bloom, and the air is untainted by the evil pride of the Fire Nation._

The demon screams and cries, tearing at Azula's skin with claws like knives. But the Fire Nation's Fallen Pride, dirty and smelly, is lost in her own memories. In a place where the darkness can't reach.

The battles lasts for a long time; how long, Azula doesn't know. But she is strong, and no longer fears being alone. So slowly, the monster fades away. She almost gives in when she sees her mother lying on the cold stone floor, a look of loss and love as deep as the ocean. But Azula forces herself to look away. _It's a lie, nothing more._

So the monster is defeated. And a ray of sunlight, pure and unfiltered sun, reaches down to brush the princess's bloody cheeks. Dawn has broken and Azula has won.

She smiles.

And listens to the silence.  
**  
A/N: Sorry it's so...fluffy. I'm trying to keep the story moving as best I can. Only three or so more chapters to go!**


	11. Chapter Eleven: Flower

Chapter Eleven: Flower

There's a new guard working at the prison, but Azula doesn't know her name. She doesn't know any of their names. All the guards have blurred together into one person. A mean, uncaring, ruthless person. Much like who Azula used to be.

This guard, however, is different. She sticks out; not because of the way she looks, but because of the way she acts. Always has a smile on her face. Never says anything mean to the princess. Sometimes, if Azula listens carefully, she can hear the female guard humming under her breath as she cleans the ex-princess's cage. She doesn't ever speak to Azula, but the girl has heard the odd guard scolding the others for being mean. Not just to Azula, but to everyone who is caged. "They are still people, and we should treat them as such!"

_Are we still people? Still human?_ Azula wonders. _Or have we become something else?_

And so this woman intrigues Azula. Why would a woman so happy and loving work in a prison; a place where murderers and monsters are kept? Why should she continue to respond with kindness and love, when all she gets in return is a curse and a growl? Why work so hard for something you will receive no reward for?

Azula watches this woman, every time she brings in a tray of food, or comes in to scrub down the princess's dirty cage. Azula watches the woman with a curious eye. Neither of them dare to speak, yet puzzlement is in the air. Puzzlement and confusion on both sides.

The guard (for she is no longer new), begins to replace Shadow Mother. Because Azula's dark mind needs someone to cling to. Although this woman never speaks, never touches Azula, her caring personality touches the girl's heart. The guard is everything Shadow Mother wasn't. Everything Azula would want in a mother. So when she hums or sings under her breath, Azula pretends that it is Ursa, who came to take care of her estranged daughter. Whatever temptations Shadow Mother might have held pale in comparison to the solid, realness that this guard shows. Shadow Mother was a figment of Azula's imagination. She knows that now. But this guard is real. Real and human and full of emotion.

And although the guard doesn't know it (or maybe she does), she has become Azula's private savior. The one who helps keep the demons at bay.

The days pass. No Mai. No Zuko. From what Azula gathers, they are both very busy. So she tries not to hold it against them. Still, that doesn't help with the loneliness.

The door opens in rusty hinges, and Azula's eyes snap open from the half doze she had been in. It's the guard, bringing Azula's lunch. What they serve here can hardly be called food. But it's eat the slop they give you, or starve. Azula doesn't want to die. Not anymore.

And yet, this time she brings something else. Next to the bowl of tasteless rice with gritty gravy and in between the spoon and the water cup... Is a flower. A real, fragile, delicate flower. Full of life and sunshine and hope.

Azula's eyes light up with greed, and she presses herself against the cold metal bars, wanting to take that flower, wanting to claim it as hers.

"Good morning princess Azula." Azula blinks. This is the first time the guard has ever spoken directly to her. "I brought your lunch, though I'm sorry it say it's probably not as good as what you would eat at the Royal Palace." She balances the tray on her hip as she reaches for the flower, and holds it on one rough, calloused hand. "So instead I brought you a flower; thought it might brighten this place up a little. It's from my garden back home. I thought you might like it."

With trembling hands, Azula reaches a slender wrist through the bars of the cage, and gingerly takes the flower. "Who are you?" She asks in a hoarse whisper, begging the woman to say mother. To say her name is Ursa.

The woman's eyes are dark, and a sad smile lingers on her face. Although she is a young woman, she suddenly looks much, much older. Like she has seen enough pain and suffering to last a life time. "My name is Ming." She says quietly. "And you're not the first crazy Fire Nation Noble I've looked after. That's why I care."

She leaves and Azula pets the flower's petals with shaking fingers, hardly daring to believe it's real.

When she is free, she will reward this Ming.

She will reward Ming, who was the first guard to care.

**A/N: For those of you who don't remember, Ming (spelling?) is the guard who was kind to Uncle Iroh. I thought it would fit.**


	12. Chapter Twevle: Sunshine

Chapter Twelve: Sunshine

"Allow her this. She's been very good lately." Mai says, glaring at the prison warden in annoyance. Although she is now Fire Lady, true to her nature, Mai refused to wear the long, graceful dresses that Azula can just barely remember her own mother wearing. Instead, the Weapons Mistress sticks to her robes of black and red. Simple. Deadly. Oh-so Mai. Azula smiles at her friend.

The warden opens his mouth as if to protest, but Mai frowns. Her golden eyes flash dangerously, and the warden wisely backs away,. "As Fire Lady, I demand that this prisoner be allowed outside. We won't go far, just out the front door." The warden looks as if he wants to say something, but Mai raises an eyebrow. The man nods, bows, hands Mai the keys that will Azula's cage, and all but runs from the room.

Mai sighs as she walks forward, focusing on finding the correct key. "Idiot." She mutters, the key now turning in the key hole. "Thinks he can refuse the Fire Lady? I'll show him!" She swings the door open, and it's rusty hinges whine in protest. Mai glares at it, as if her royal stature can submit the door into silence.

Azula walks forward on weak legs. She can't believe it, she's hardly daring to breath, and they haven't even gone outside yet. The door is open. Open. She's finally free. If Azula was stronger, she might have run right out the door like the warden, though the halls and out the main entrance. She would have run and run and run, not stopping until she found a place to call home.

But Azula isn't strong enough, and she can't run away, because then people would blame Mai, and Zuko would get in trouble and everything would just end up badly. So instead she limps through the open space that used to be just another part of her prison and stares, not bothering to hide her shock. Mai's nose wrinkles slightly at the state Azula is in, but she does not comment. Of course Azula is in a state of disgust. She's been living like an animal for the past two years. "Ready?" Mai asks, turning away from the filthy cage.

If Mai could have her way, she would punish each and every guard who ever worked here, just for treating Azula in such a way. But Zuko won't let her do that, so the Fire Lady just bites her tongue, and contents herself with shooting murderous glances at every guard they pass.

Azula and Mai certainly make an odd pair as they make their way slowly through the maze of halls. Old Royalty and New. The spotless Fire Lady and the dirt coated ex-Princess. The sadistic Weapon Mistress and the crazy Fire Nation glory. They move at an snail's pace; Azula's muscles have grown weak and soft during her confinement. But she's too proud to ask for help.

And Mai can respect that. So she patiently waits for her hobbling friend. They move in silence, but that suites them both.

Moving slowly, each lose in their own thoughts, the two powerful females finally reach that grand, stone door. That leads out of the prison. Away, away, away. From this horrible place and the memories it holds.

Mai glanced over at Azula, and sees the younger girl is trembling. She acts without thinking, and in a rare display of affection, grabs Azula's hand and squeezes tightly. That small hand is caked with dirt and dust and worse, but Mai doesn't mind. All will wash away. She smiles at Azula.

Who's eyes are wide with fear and excitement. She turns her lips upwards, and Mai nods. Neither of them speak, but they do not have to. Mai pushes the door open, and the two steps forward into the light.

Azula is blinded; she is being burned alive by flames of white hot anger. She shrinks away, in fear and pain. Her hands grips Mai's tightly. Mai... She is not alone.

So Azula forces her eyes open, even though they water painfully, and glances around. She cannot see, but the sun is warm on her cheeks. The sun. The source of all fire. And here it is; the sunlight Azula has so desperately crazed. Not weak and pale as it struggles through the barred window, but strong and raw and power.

And even though she's knows she shouldn't, Azula tilts her head back. And gazes up at the shining, burning, deadly, dazzling ball of light that warms her. Both body and soul. Because she is free, and here is proof, and she' so happy. Mai is saying something, but Azula doesn't hear. Her attention is focused on something else.

The sun.


	13. Chapter Thirteen: Home

Chapter Thirteen: Home

"You're free to go. The Fire Lord has released you."

The words Azula has been dreaming about hearing ever since she was put in here; she's heard them in her sleep, and in her dreams. Shadow-Mother used to whisper these words in her ear. But those were all lies and make-believe and all just pretend.

That's why it's hard for her to believe this is all real.

But at the guards escort her through the halls that she was only just a short time ago walking down with Mai, she knows this is real. The smile and the nod from Ming, who holds open the one of the doors for Azula, tears tracks clear on her cheeks. The curt, accepting bow from the warden; if Azula wants to press charges against him for the way he treated her, he will accept that. The jealous, but grudgingly happy looks of the other prisoners as she is marched by.

They all prove this is real.

And then she's outside, blinking in the no-longer blinding sunlight, and the guards have faded away, and Azula is all alone. A needle of ice cold fear pieces her heart. She is all alone, with nowhere to go and no one to turn to.

But not for long.

Because there's Zuko, wearing his scar proudly, dressed in the Fire Lord's robes, a golden flame keeping his top-knot in place. And there's a storm of emotions flying across his face; fear, hope, sadness, joy. Azula wants to laugh, even though her eyes are filling with tears. Zuko was always so easy to read.

Then there's Mai, standing straight as a soldier, her silken robes falling in neat, flawless folds. Her face is perfectly composed, but Azula can see one tear slipping down her cheek, glistening like a diamond in the bright life.

Azula feels as though her heart might burst from happiness.

And somehow all three of them tumble into each other's arms; the Fire Lord, the Fire Lady and the ex-Princess. Tears are falling free and Zuko never, ever, ever wants to let his sister go. He holds her tightly, consoling her through his tears. And Azula is clinging to him, and all she can say is "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Mai is there, kneeling on the ground next to the siblings, allowing her emotions to truly show.

Everything that should have been said but never was is blurted out as the three embrace on the steps of the prison. And deep down, Azula is sad that Ty Lee isn't here. Maybe she will never see the cheerful, pink-wearing woman again. But maybe she will. Who can say? There will be time later to mend and fix the bridges that were broken. But not now. That time is not now.

When she can finally lift her head from her brother's shoulder, Azula can see that the Fire Lord brought the Avatar, and his consort the water-bender. Apologies fall from Azula's lips. All she wants is to be forgiven.

And the Avatar is still scared of her; she can see it in his eyes. The pain and fear she inflicted on him runs deep. Maybe it will always be there. But he still steps forward, because he is the Avatar and this is his job. He still steps forward, and places a hand on her hand, giving her the Avatar's blessing.

Azula is kissing the ground at his feet, and the tears are still falling. Her heart hurts Azula is so happy.

There's so much to do. So much to apologize for. But that will all come later. Now all Azula wants to do is go home. With her family. She want to take a bath, and sleep on a real bed, and eat a real meal, and deal with what must come tomorrow.

This isn't a happy ending. She knows that. There are no happy endings in life. But as Mai helps Azula up, and Zuko escorts her to a carriage, Azula knows this is the closest to a happy ending as she will ever get. Lots of things might go wrong. She hurt a lot of people, and they may never forgive her.

But she is surrounded by people who love her, and will never, ever leave her. Azula finds herself smiling as she leans against her brother's arm, eyes closed, tired.

Let what may come happen.

She was going home.

xENDx

**A/N: I want to thank all the wonderful people who reviewed, and/or favourited this story. You are probably the entire reason I continued this story all the way to the end. I hope you enjoyed this story, and once again, thank you.**


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